This past week has wrapped itself around my heart like a quiet storm—one that doesn’t come with thunder but lingers in the silence.
My son’s fiancée, Sierra, lost her father. Just like that. No warning. No time to prepare. One day, he was there, smiling and giving those grounding words only a dad can give. The next day, he was gone.
And in her grief, I saw something that took me back years, decades, to a place in my heart I don't often let anyone see. As Sierra cried, remembering the man who raised her, loved her, and called her his little girl, I saw a mirror of myself. But instead of watching what I lost, I felt what I never had.
Sierra's grief and my silent yearning collided this week.
She loved her dad dearly. She always spoke of how he understood her, how he got her in a way no one else did. She never doubted his love. She always felt seen. That bond they shared was something sacred, something so few truly understand until it’s gone. And now, it’s gone.
I’ve been trying to be there for her—encouraging her from a distance, letting her know it’s okay to fall apart, okay to cry, okay to not be okay. But deep down, I think I needed her just as much. Because watching her grieve awakened my own grief. Not for someone I lost, but for someone I never had.
I didn’t grow up with a dad.
There were no bear hugs, no daddy-daughter dates, no words of protection or pride. I never had someone to guard my heart from bad boys, to scare off the monsters under the bed, or to walk me down the aisle. There were no Sunday breakfasts or quiet car rides where everything was said without needing words.
I didn’t get that.
I never got to feel like someone’s little girl. And even as a grown woman, there’s a part of me that still wonders what that would’ve felt like. A piece of my heart that wonders how different I might have been had I grown up with that kind of love holding me up.
Sierra had that.
And now, she’s lost it.
And I’m grieving with her—not just her loss, but mine too.
Grief isn’t always about who we lose. Sometimes, it’s about who we never got to love. Sometimes, it’s about all the moments that never happened. The ones we dreamed about but never saw come to life.
A few years ago, I got to speak with my father for the first and only time. It was over the phone. A few short minutes that I clung to then, and still hold in my heart today.
He didn’t want a relationship. He made that clear. But at least I heard his voice. At least I have that.
Still, it left questions that echo even now:
Why wasn’t I worthy of your love?
What did I do to make you not want me?
Is there anything I could do to change your mind?
They’re quiet questions. Ones you rarely say out loud. But they live inside you. They shape how you see the world, how you love, how you trust. They create a silent yearning—this hope that maybe one day, if I become enough, he’ll notice me. Maybe one day, I’ll do something so amazing that he can’t look away.
But the truth is, that kind of closure doesn’t always come.
And so, we learn to mother ourselves, to father ourselves. To grow roots where none were planted. To build bridges over broken pieces. To give love even when we weren’t given enough.
Sierra’s father once told her to wait five years before marrying my son. I think he was trying to hold onto her a little longer. I think he knew that once she was married, things would shift—not end, but shift.
But what he maybe didn’t realize is that no matter how old we get, a daughter never stops needing her dad. Marriage doesn’t erase that longing. Adulthood doesn’t silence that voice that says, "Daddy, are you proud of me?"
Watching Sierra with her dad was beautiful. They had a rhythm, a connection, a joy in each other's company. It was everything I imagined that bond would be.
And now, she walks forward with that bond broken.
But not gone.
Because love like that never truly leaves.
Sierra will carry her dad with her. In the way she speaks. In the way she loves. In the way she raises her children someday. His voice will echo in her heart, his values guiding her quietly. That’s what a true father leaves behind—not just a memory, but a mark.
And maybe, just maybe, I’ll carry forward my own legacy too. One of resilience. One of healing. One of learning how to become the kind of person I needed when I was younger.
Because whether or not my father ever saw me, I’ve learned to see myself. And that’s a kind of victory.
To Sierra, to every woman who has lost her dad, and to every daughter still longing for one:
Keep loving. Keep healing. Keep remembering. And above all, keep holding on.
#death #father #daughter